i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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