Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
