I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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