just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
