i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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