Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
