I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
