I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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