More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i will never coherently bang her
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
My life is pants optional.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
