Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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