evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
How does one acquire holy water?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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