Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize