sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
