i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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