I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
