planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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