Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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