my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
