You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
NoShamevember. You game?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
