Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
