He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
