Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
