you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
