When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize