He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Randomize
