ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
So vagazzling was a success
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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