He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize