Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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