I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
