I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
