Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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