So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
