I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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