Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
