I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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