she looked like the before picture.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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