using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
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