I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
