Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
