well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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