Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
