i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
