my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
