I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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