I think I am morally bankrupt
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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