I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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