i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
