Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I think my nap took me to another dimension
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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