GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
