I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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