the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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