Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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