He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
