she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
