It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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