fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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