i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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