just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
