i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
