she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
