I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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