What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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