I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
