i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
