do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
