I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
