god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
