I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
