I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
