??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
