You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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