didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I am puke
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
