She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize