i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
