put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Randomize
