Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
