So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Quick, to the slutcave!
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize