just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
