bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
