I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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