Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
you have to choose: penises or morals?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
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