Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
