You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
