when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
