I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Everyone says I win the strip club
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize