Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
