Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
