So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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