whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
