No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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