I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
We're too hungover to prance.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
