Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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