you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
