And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Terrible idea I love it
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
