Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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